I think the paradox of this page is
that it is not one which I could
recommend to the population of its
recurring evidence, simply because
the underlying point of view, while
sound, sometimes exhibits the very
bitterness it seeks to discredit,
even subdue. I discovered this
point of view in myself at a very
young age - approximately 6 or 7 -
and to obtain my university's bac-
calaureate degree I found it liter-
ally expressed in my honors thesis:
I rue the influence over the mind's
reach into all its possibilities, in
the existence of any external com-
pulsory power. In that project, I
cited this horror as the touchstone
of the nation state, but so it is,
also, of sectarian orthodoxy and
other crime syndicates.
From a mind conscious, at the age of
Hopalong Cassidy, of the corrupting,
limiting influence of compulsion, it
is very difficult to do justice to
the emergency whence it arises - the
fruition of youth - if one has ever
been subjected to such compulsion.
And who has not? To my knowledge,
red mug, blue linen is notable for
at least exploring this point of
view at the moment, although alter-
natives are both plentiful and ad-
mirable: accepting constraint of
possibility, in calm delectation
of the remainder. Indeed, they're
so admirable I'd regard another as
more superfluous than exemplary.
I can accept the complaint of mal-
adjustment in the blog, therefore,
but not in its point of view. I can
so little accept the tolerance of
compulsion, as a model to suspend
over the life depicted on every page
at this address, that this refusal
is what must shape it. Now, against
the advantage of blogging's always-
recurring immediacy, lies the pathos
of its swift effacement of previous
entries, even if you might say one
should be grateful for these "born
again" dispensations. I am not
grateful for that; there is a story
here, as well as a viewpoint, and
their relationship is vital to the
page. Still, there are grounds for
adjusting the voice, by the tone
and terms of the model being pro-
posed.
Even as I resolve to pursue these
matters, I am more cognisant every
day of the limiting compulsion of
the closet here. I do not refer
only to the guytummy thing, but
to the feudalistic integration of
every social policy in Virginia.
This is a tiny, hermetic culture;
associates of mine are redundantly
enmeshed in all its ruling threads.
Everyone I know subscribes to the
terror. Its rejection, being im-
possible, mitigates the burden of
the closet, rather, as something
of a refuge of sanity. I return to
my object, which is not to inhibit
the mind behind that face up there,
a little less, but to keep it open.
I return, then, to the alarm I
felt for my own mind as a child.
I would like this page to find a
voice to speak to him. I want to
find the default face of a greater
freedom than that of expression.
I want to see the face of the
freedom to think.