Summer Liebling iii

A peril of the text.

Summer allows us all

a gainful lull in the

deliberations of our

elegant judiciary: a

time to kick back and

marvel at the valida-

tion of Senator Roman

Hruska's immortal pro-

phecy of the Nixon era,

defending his nomina-

tion of G. Harrold Cars-

well, a T-room hero of

the Larry Craig school

of redneck sanctimony.

How soothingly our ham-

mock sways in the wheeze

of antisemitism, usher-

ing in reconsiderations

of affirmative action,

school desegregation, 

one man one vote, and

gender equality in the

workplace.

Even if he were mediocre,

there are a lot of medi-

ocre judges and people

and lawyers. They are en-

titled to a little rep-

resentation, aren't they,

and a little chance? We

can't have all Brandeises

and Frankfurters and Car-

dozos.

Not that the afflicted

aryan male is not over-

due for sympathy, the

Court cannot apply that

balsam directly, with-

out courting complaint

of affirmative action.

And so, it finds (out

of thin air, and the

denying soul of its

openly confessed con-

stituency) that things

are better, now, and

so bordering on spiffy

as to end the redistri-
bution of blonds. Not

that there were ever

so many, as Senator

Hruska warned, to go

around. The thinnest

sampling is all the

austere republic can
spare, and they must
be reserved for impor-
tant occasions.

Scholars ask, what be-

came of this successor

of Warren Buffett's fa-

ther in Congress, this

guardian of the judici-

ary, this Nixonite ally

of discrimination's fav-

ourite syllogism? Radi-

antly fittingly, he is

remembered in a great of-

fice of our government,

the Federal Meat Animal

Research Center [sic],

in his native Nebraska:

getting big government

to do the heavy lifting

for private capital again.

How grateful we all must

be, for Clarence Thomas'

opinion for the Court 

last Term, against the

patenting of genes. We

might be cloned to blond-

ness, and its victimhood.

A.J. Liebling

The Eternally

  Kicked in the Pants

March 26, 1955

The New Yorker©

The Library of America, 2008©