Although showing a lot of white,
this image does not pretend to be
a reliable depiction of Alexandra
Petri, who doesn't slouch and who
- although hip - probably hasn't
the time to impersonate a figure
cited in one of her columns. But,
plausible depiction of her or not,
it isn't every day one has an ex-
cuse to present a cineplex cutout
of Kristen Stewart, whose ingenu-
ity it is, to be relevant in all
contexts. And today's context is,
the confluence of a Petri dish on
the American President worthy of
Stewart, herself, and the publica-
tion of further evidence of his
career as the fitting-room rapist
of Bergdorf Goodman - once Trump,
Inc had eliminated Bonwit Teller.
Oh, and Russia, if you're listen-
ing, hide those eliminations.
It is a very good thing, that
Alexandra Petri's trysts with hu-
mor are episodically inconsistent,
because at their worst they are
horrifyingly, terrifyingly funny,
and few are the bed frames capable
of withstanding the convulsions of
laughter they sometimes provoke.
Into the near-perfection of her
most recent essay, the interlinea-
tion of the reference to Kristen
Stewart's suffering at the thumbs
of the American President would
be too much for any mattress, if
that epoch in our past had not
won verification by infinite ex-
amples of his idiocy, since then.
Yet the tacit backdrop of Petri's
present épergne is the immortal
finding of his late Secretary of
State, Rex Tillerson, which has
never been denied: What a moron,
is all we can quote, and keep a
rating for reading aloud. Laugh
as we may, who can doubt that by
nightfall, the President's incon-
tinent inconsistencies will gain
him another Nobel Peace Prize for
canceling a war crime he'd willed
moments before. We, for our part,
tremble for how soon the other
shoe will thud, when he sues Joe
Biden for plagiarizing his schtick
for coddling Confederates. He never
reigns, but he stains.
Linus Wordemann
Alexandra Petri
The Washington Post
21 June 2019©
