The closest soap we have to Champagne?

In an age of which it is possible to understand only less and less, with every passing day, while blogs for gentlemen continue to prescribe nostrums for this predicament of ever more excruciating specificity, readers may forgive a celebratory digression to the contrary, occasioned by a bit of travel one had to endure over the past few days. Our apothecaries at Kiehl's, now taken under the wing of L'Oréal, have come up with an application which is to fetishes of the bath what Champagne is to the flatulent wine list: balsam for any contingency. Just add water, they say, not even Champagne.

Ta-da! The Kiehl's [Since 1851] Cross-Terrain All-in-One Refueling Wash, Paraben-Free & 99.9% Biodegradable, promises An Energizing Shower Cleanser for Hair and Body, A tri-mendous formulation for the cross-terrain adventurer! It may also be used (oh, thank heaven) as a speed shaving aid, whatever that daredevil pursuit may be. They do not say if it can be ordered with a masquing stencil.

You may well think, I know, that too much can be made of general remedies, when discrimination allows such illusion of discern-ment, and flattery of trespasses. But in the present case, even our heroic pharmacist - who stands to lose countless sales of single-nuance products - has seen the advantage of traveling light, to say nothing of the advantage of social mobility, per se. It all comes fully certified, adventure tested. What a windfall to the human rite of washing! Who knew there might be a one-app-suits-all remedy to dispense, as if we were all adventurers?